The Aftermath

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“It’s been a year,”our friend, Joy, whispered into my ear when she greeted me upon arriving at happy hour. It had been over a month since everyone in our group had been together but not a year! I looked at her with a puzzled expression,”What?”

“It’s been a year.”

“It’s been a year?” I continued to be puzzled.

“Since your heart attack,” she replied softly.

Ah, yes. She was actually a day early but July 28^th would be the official anniversary of my heart attack. It had changed my life in many ways but it seemed so long ago. For better or for worse, it was no longer top of mind for me but I realized that I am not the same as that day one year ago……..

I can honestly say, at least introspectively, there probably has not been a time in my life when there have been more changes. The heart attack came from nowhere. I was a young 65 with a wife, Colleen, that insisted on healthy eating and an active lifestyle. We hiked, we biked, we worked. I was drawing my social security and working just enough to put some golf money in my pocket and to get myself out of the house. I finally had a relationship with Jesus and even led our church’s volunteer security team. My homeopathic doctor said I was a little anemic but the furthest thing from my mind on July 28, 2025 was a heart attack.

I was mentally ready to get back to work three or four days after I was discharged from the hospital. My wife, my cardiologist, and my body had different ideas. I suddenly realized that I became winded and weak kneed without a whole lot of effort. It was weird because I found myself getting winded and weak kneed after even slight exertion. After having a stent put in and just a few days in the hospital, I did not expect to tire so easily. My sister-in-law, Sharon, told us that my body would need time to adjust to blood flowing differently, the way it was supposed to be flowing all along. Every fiber of being would need to adjust and that would take time. I could grasp what she was saying but it just didn’t seem possible that I would be sidelined so quickly.

It took a month for me to get back to working my 20 – 25 hours per week and everyone treated me like I was frail and would fall over if I picked up something weighing more than 5 lbs. I would laugh and wave them off. I felt pretty good! That is, I felt pretty good until I didn’t. I soon became aware that I could be carrying on like I was a 50 year old youngster and I would find myself suddenly feeling like I had been hit by a semi-truck, reaching for the nearest stability and desperate to get off my feet. For probably the next six months, I would feel like I was back to normal only to have my body suddenly and inexplicably reach up and slam me back down, hard.

After months of doctors appointments, adjusting to new medications, and fighting through the physical inconsistencies, I started cardio rehab. Three days of showing up for an hour of supervised and monitored training. Treadmills, stationary bikes, resistance training, and some light weight lifting. I can’t say I looked forward to the training, it wasn’t particularly challenging and they were constantly increasing the difficulty of my routines. When it ended in January, I felt pretty cocky. I had been back on the mountain with my wife and the cardio rehab was relatively easy. I was back.

When you think about things like a heart attack and general old age, factors begin to blur together, leaving you to wonder what the source of change is. You find yourself wondering if the heart attack really affected you in such an adverse way or did the Good Lord above suddenly flip the switch that brings on the natural new challenge. I am not sure what the answer is but, as I reach the one year anniversary of my heart attack, the over confidence is gone. Not only is it gone but it has been replaced with the depth of understanding that I will have to be more purposeful in order to even maintain where I am.

While I am still relatively fit for my age, I no longer have the drive or the stamina that I did before the heart attack. Perhaps those things will never be the same but I like to think I have a say in how much I can come back. I just have to find the will to make that happen – something that is complicated by the desire to just enjoy life with your family and friends. I want to do more happy hours, take more naps, read and write more, and play more bad golf. There is a balance in there somewhere that is always elusive but worthy of pursuit.

I dialed the post retirement work schedule back significantly recently. I no longer felt the need or want to be at the store as much, and felt like it needlessly complicated the drive to find routines. That was the right move. When I retired from management and leadership roles, I knew it was time. While I had lost track of the actual time, I realize that I am thankful to be here today and am determined to make the most of whatever time I have left. For me, there aren’t grand goals, just nudging myself in the right direction spiritually, mentally, and physically. The anniversary of my brush with death is just a reminder to continue pursuing Calmness, Clarity, and Purpose.